Film Spews

This weeks films - Push & Anvil:The Story of Anvil.

by Frisbee Dog



Push is pretty much OK, until the last fifteen minutes when you realise that its 'the first part in a planned trilogy' which, due to this film being not that much cop, will never be made. Now I'm not going to cry into my post cinema Creme De Menthe, which Luigi my drinks waiter has kindly and expertly prepared, over the loss of Push 2 and 3. But I could probably have done with knowing this at the beginning, which would have informed on my choice to waste 2 hours of my time on a story that won't end properly. On a more positive note director Paul McGuigan again sees fit to litter the film with his own personal trademark, that of really terrible wallpaper....everywhere. This cat is a bargain bucket at Homebase's wet dream. And a warning for those of a perverted nature, wear your industrial sandpaper kecks - Dakota Fanning is not yet pedo bear approved.

Anvil is what would be referred to as 'a triumph of human spirit against the odds', except no one really triumphs. It is however funny as fuck and proves that however much you believe in yourself you will still be shit if you are. Also rock/scat fans should however look out for the painting scene which is the funniest thing I've seen all year. Maplethorpe would be proud.

This Week In Film/Verbal Diorama

Vicky Cristina Barcelona/The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button

by Frisbee Dog

I'm going to do both films at once for some good reason. Benjamin Button is brilliant, so brilliant in fact that after I finished watching it and was waiting outside for my driver Pepe to pick me up in the town Bentley, I could not for the life of me remember what the first film was that i went to see earlier that day. Eventually I rummaged around in my pocket and found a ticket stub to find it was Kinky Christian... or whatever. And the thing is, the first film featured Scarlet Joehansome gubbing into Penelope Pitstop and I had completely forgotten about it. Three choices 1) early onset mad cow, 2) brain penis blockage (see 1), 3) Benjamin Button is such a well crafted, magical, deeply moving, incredibly poignant film, that just steamrolled the best film Woody Allen has made since Deconstructing Harry, which features chicks winching.
I'm not going to even mention the special effects, because after about half an hour you just forget they're there. Like Nazis always speaking English.

Word of warning - expectant fathers beware. Be prepared for a new nightmare, (to add to the legion of others), where your progeny is born a tiny old pruney dude.

I hope this doesn't sound like I'm blowing smoke up Benjamin Buttons ass, but it also happens to be part of a very rare breed of film now-a-days that actually knows how to end. The closing coda alone is worth the three hours and brings the film full circle in a way that just seems so right.

Cant recommend this highly enough.

Bring on Crank 2

This Weekend In Filum

By Frisbee Dog

Blot 3D - anyone who sees this and says "it was just missing that Pixar magic, and was not quite as good as Finding Nemo/The Incredibles" take them out the front of the cinema and shoot them in the face, hard. These films are not made for you, you twat. Way and greet about Star Wars. I enjoyed the shit out of this. Has anyone else noticed that the only American films to show a realistic proportion of the American characters as being chronically obese are Pixar/Disney. True story - check it out. At least 80% are fat fucks and in the cartoons they are quite fat too. The 3D effect was as usual absolutely spot on and largely subtle in use (I'm looking at you Journey To The Centre Of The Earth), but its impossible to describe, so I'm not going to bother my arse.

The Good, The Bad, The Weird - good old South Korea. If ever you were feeling that every film is the same all the way through watch one of these bad boys cos the whip pans between violence, stunning cinematography and bizarre wince inducing slapstick would give the hulk a sore neck. Again I enjoyed this nonsense, because, hey it was fun and well made and was made to be fun. Not high art, but fun. Take a chuck up you Guinness supping, decent electronic producing, under nutbag commie fellas.