Yet Another Genric Summer Release

I just recently purchased Rockstar Games latest offering the sublime Wild West adventure Red Dead Redemption. The game is an experience which immerses you in a world so carefully researched and re-created you can actually feel the heat on the back of your neck and the sand in your boots. The plot of the game is so engaging it's worthy of a blockbuster movie and the scriptwriting is sophisticated, intelligent and at times hilarious. It's probably about as close as we'll ever get to Michael Crichton's vision of West World, without having to try and melt Yul Brynner's face.
And then we get this, the trailer for Hollwood's summer release Jonah Hex starring Josh Brolin and Megan Fox, complete with a hard rockin' soundtrack, hammy acting, cheddar heavy one-liners and a horse with two gatlin guns fitted to either side. My advice, avoid what looks like a sun-dried desert turd, stay at home instead and let Rockstar Games take you on a more authentic, thrilling and exciting Wild West ride this film could only ever dream of trying to achieve.

Shutter Island Trailer

I am an unapologetic Dennis Lehane fan. I've read most of his books and nearly did a backward somersault when I heard that Martin Scorsese, (arguably one of the greatest directors of our time), was adapting Shutter Island into a blockbuster movie. Just as I was slipping on my gymnastics leotard and rubbing talcum powder into my hands I then heard that Leonardo DiCaprio was to star.

It's not that I think that Leo is a bad actor, he quite obviously isn't, but he doesn't have the manly chops to pull off parts which require, gritty, tough and testosterone fuelled characters, which is why I had a problem with The Departed.

However it appears from the trailer that Scorsese has nailed the creepy, unsettling atmosphere of the book, but I'll reserve judgement on Ladyboy DiCaprio's performance for now.

This Wolverine Is Better

It's no great secret that Hugh Jackman's new Wolverine movie is a crock of shit but what is a surprise is the trailer for the game, which is ten times better than the film and it's only a minute long. You be the judge.

This Is Amazing

With all the crap floating about on the Internet it's hard to find something of real value but this short film directed by Adam Berg is simply amazing. It basically features a stand-off between police and bank robbers in one single second of frozen time. Confused? Just watch the film.


Philips :: Carousel campaign (Adam Berg + Stink Digital) from Designloops on Vimeo.

If you want to know how they made this short film then head along to Carousel's main website and watch it there. While viewing it small pop up prompters will appear for you to click on so you can see how each part of the film was shot.

Exclusive New G.I. Joe Movie Footage

G.I. Joe, the terrible cartoon from the 80s has been turned into a summer blockbuster movie starring Dennis Quaid and Christopher Eccleston. Here's some sneak preview footage. I can't wait.

"You Just Pissed On a Gypsy In The Middle Of Nowhere."

You can take Transformers 2, the new Harry Potter movie, Watchmen and Terminator Salvation and ram them right up your muck spreader. There is and will be only one film worth watching in 2009 and it's called Bronson. Directed by Nicolas Winding Refn, he of the Pusher Trilogy fame, and starring newcomer Tom Hardy as Charles Bronson, (no not the Death Wish bloke), it tells the true story of a Welsh born strongman and bare knuckle boxer, who has spent most of his life in prison. If this performance doesn't put Hardy on the Hollywood map then...just watch the trailer.

Inglorious Basterds Sneak Preview

I really couldn't give a shit about this film or any other film Quentin Tarantino makes in the future. As they say in the parlance of our times "I've went right aff him". I find his movies self indulgent and unnecessarily long-winded, but what the fuck do I know?
Here's some sneak preview footage of his latest effort Inglorious Basterds, (why the misspell?), starring professional African baby adopter Brad Pitt.

Observe And Report Trailer

Most of Seth Rogen's movies pretty much reek of the same shit, same toilet humour, same slacker characters, same funny premise for around half an hour and then your interest is lost. His new film however looks a little different and a little darker, it also stars the great Ray Liotta and the lovely Anna Faris. Here's the NSFW trailer.

This Weekend In Filum

By Frisbee Dog

Blot 3D - anyone who sees this and says "it was just missing that Pixar magic, and was not quite as good as Finding Nemo/The Incredibles" take them out the front of the cinema and shoot them in the face, hard. These films are not made for you, you twat. Way and greet about Star Wars. I enjoyed the shit out of this. Has anyone else noticed that the only American films to show a realistic proportion of the American characters as being chronically obese are Pixar/Disney. True story - check it out. At least 80% are fat fucks and in the cartoons they are quite fat too. The 3D effect was as usual absolutely spot on and largely subtle in use (I'm looking at you Journey To The Centre Of The Earth), but its impossible to describe, so I'm not going to bother my arse.

The Good, The Bad, The Weird - good old South Korea. If ever you were feeling that every film is the same all the way through watch one of these bad boys cos the whip pans between violence, stunning cinematography and bizarre wince inducing slapstick would give the hulk a sore neck. Again I enjoyed this nonsense, because, hey it was fun and well made and was made to be fun. Not high art, but fun. Take a chuck up you Guinness supping, decent electronic producing, under nutbag commie fellas.

Pretending Can Be Hard

Here's some audio which was leaked from the set of the upcoming blockbuster movie Terminator Salvation. As you can clearly hear it's of actor Christian Bale shouting, swearing and threatening Shane Hurlbut, director of photography, for walking in during the filming of a scene. Apparently the clip found it's way online after film execs sent it to the movie's insurance company in case Bale decided to quit.
As you can imagine the Internet is abuzz with many nerds taking time out from eating to criticise Bale for acting like a spoiled wankstaff, (an actor who is a little bit dramatic - jeez now there's a concept), but what we can't get our heads around throughout this entertaining tirade is Bale's accent. It dips and rises like a fucking Trans-Atlantic roller coaster.

AUDIO HERE

UPDATE: Thanks to a legion of unemployed geeks here is a remix of Bale's tantrum.

This weekrantends film reviews/stream of consciousness

by Frisbee Dog

Revolutionary Road

Being stuck in a room at a party for two hours with a couple who clearly hate each others guts but stay together because they would rather hate each other than be alone. Still its always better to see someone else's fucked up life for two hours than your own boring ass one. As 'Oddball' in Kelly's Heroes famously described rural France - 'everyone seems nice'. Even brain fried maths genius nutters, who apparently are just the sort of cats you should invite round for scones. In related nudity news, bearded clam fans should stay away. Sadly, (and rather disappointingly, i may add), Kate's famous unkempt pubic topiary remains kecks contained throughout the film. Warm beans all round. A trainsmall box should warn people with the certificate (15 but even though Kate Winslet's in it she doesn't drop em once, shit fella you don't even get side boob), we should picket this film. Bring back the muff!!! Our placards proudly claim. Cos that's what it is a muff. Not a bald pie, like a new born chick, like the orifice you pull that wee bag of entrails out of a chicken, but a muff with a healthy afro of hair, beckoning you in. "trust in my wirey orchard" it whispers. And as my pool boy Santiago says "ees just not a minge eef eet as no muff", god bless you Santiago and your tight cut off denim shorts.

Frost/Nixon

Also went to see Frost/Nixon which was gear. Sheeney is rapidly becoming, a safe bet. Always worth watching, its like a discovery channel documentary with "Vs" in the title. "Raptor vs T-Rex" or "50 cent vs having to do a video without taking his shirt off and working up a sweat in the gym, (purely for the benefit of all the women watching, which make up a huge part of the rap buying demographic - not thin white teenage boys. Oh no, how dare you. ppppppffffff. bullet magnet). Anyhoo, sheeny is the shit as usual but it gets you wondering that cos hes always playing other cats does he need reminding when he gets home who he is? Kind of like Mike from neighbours in Memento. He lifts up his shirt sleeve and its tattooed "You are Michael Sheen, you got ditched by Kate Beckinsale just as she was getting hot". Come to think of it id rather just stay David Frost. Which brings me (somehow) back to this weeks (apparent) theme. Not enough nudity. Not from Sheeny, but in the new Undergrowth film, Undergrowth: Rise Of The Candleford or whatever. Its an 18 for bee gees sake. again not even a side boob. Oh there's claret everywhere and werewolves and vampires and shit. but they forgot any tits. Way an get pumped.

Write to your MP, demand no nudity warnings on films.

Stop This, Right F**king Now!

It appears that Hollywood is now officially a creative desert, devoid of any trace of imagination or courage. According to various internet movie blogs tinseltown producers are lining up to gang rape yet another classic film, in an attempt to "reboot" a possible franchise. The movie in question is John Carpenter's 1982 cult classic The Thing and the plot they have in mind sounds like it's from another planet too. DETAILS HERE.