This weekrantends film reviews/stream of consciousness

by Frisbee Dog

Revolutionary Road

Being stuck in a room at a party for two hours with a couple who clearly hate each others guts but stay together because they would rather hate each other than be alone. Still its always better to see someone else's fucked up life for two hours than your own boring ass one. As 'Oddball' in Kelly's Heroes famously described rural France - 'everyone seems nice'. Even brain fried maths genius nutters, who apparently are just the sort of cats you should invite round for scones. In related nudity news, bearded clam fans should stay away. Sadly, (and rather disappointingly, i may add), Kate's famous unkempt pubic topiary remains kecks contained throughout the film. Warm beans all round. A trainsmall box should warn people with the certificate (15 but even though Kate Winslet's in it she doesn't drop em once, shit fella you don't even get side boob), we should picket this film. Bring back the muff!!! Our placards proudly claim. Cos that's what it is a muff. Not a bald pie, like a new born chick, like the orifice you pull that wee bag of entrails out of a chicken, but a muff with a healthy afro of hair, beckoning you in. "trust in my wirey orchard" it whispers. And as my pool boy Santiago says "ees just not a minge eef eet as no muff", god bless you Santiago and your tight cut off denim shorts.

Frost/Nixon

Also went to see Frost/Nixon which was gear. Sheeney is rapidly becoming, a safe bet. Always worth watching, its like a discovery channel documentary with "Vs" in the title. "Raptor vs T-Rex" or "50 cent vs having to do a video without taking his shirt off and working up a sweat in the gym, (purely for the benefit of all the women watching, which make up a huge part of the rap buying demographic - not thin white teenage boys. Oh no, how dare you. ppppppffffff. bullet magnet). Anyhoo, sheeny is the shit as usual but it gets you wondering that cos hes always playing other cats does he need reminding when he gets home who he is? Kind of like Mike from neighbours in Memento. He lifts up his shirt sleeve and its tattooed "You are Michael Sheen, you got ditched by Kate Beckinsale just as she was getting hot". Come to think of it id rather just stay David Frost. Which brings me (somehow) back to this weeks (apparent) theme. Not enough nudity. Not from Sheeny, but in the new Undergrowth film, Undergrowth: Rise Of The Candleford or whatever. Its an 18 for bee gees sake. again not even a side boob. Oh there's claret everywhere and werewolves and vampires and shit. but they forgot any tits. Way an get pumped.

Write to your MP, demand no nudity warnings on films.