Before you go and loop some plastic cord around your neck and genitalia in a seedy hotel room, you better make sure you leave instructions to your family that in the event of you going that little bit further this time, they can blame a secret society for your untimely and rather undignified death. It wasn't your fault you were found hanging naked in the closet with your special purpose bound up like a turkey at Christmas. Oh no, for you see it was the ninjas.
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