Better Looking Than Mickey Rourke

I haven't seen the critically acclaimed movie The Wrestler, nor do I have any great ambition to do so, movie actors with IRA tattoos turn me off a tad or any terrorist organisation based ink for that matter, but I do want to see The Calamari Wrestler.
Only from Japan would they make a movie about a giant squid who wrestles for a living. Below is the trailer for this deeply moving tale of a cephalopod who can manoeuvre out of any wrestling hold, but his personal life and sporting career clash as he prepares to take on a Mantis Shrimp called the Squilla Boxer. If this movie doesn't make you laugh, cry or make you tad bit hungry, then you are dead my friend. Dead!

I'm As Mad As Hell

Sitting watching the news as sweaty, mealy mouthed politicians skirt around the issue of their outrageous expenses for the maintenance of their pools, moats and tennis courts, I could only think of one man - Howard Beale.
Network was made in 1976 yet the mad rantings of Peter Finch's character still ring true today. We've had the global financial meltdown, the greedy rich bankers, the illegal wars, the rising unemployment, the continued ignorance over global warming, the heavy handed police, rising crime and the implementation of ID cards and now the realisation that parliament is nothing more than a collusion of politicians working together for themselves, against the people. I think it's time to get out of our seats...or we are fucked!

They Have No F**king Idea

As the threat of swine flu hangs heavy over us all it's worth noting that this recent panic, this recent tsunami of widespread fear and impending doom, is more than likely a right royal waste of fucking time. Take Keiji Fukuda for example, the World Health Organisation's flu expert, this merchant of doom recently stated that two billion people could be infected with the swine flu if the outbreak turns into a pandemic lasting two years. He then went on to qualify this shitpantingly scary claim by saying: "Please do not interpret this as a prediction for the future." So why make the fucking statement in the first place?

Vader's apprentice then went on to reveal that: "It would be a reasonable estimate to say perhaps a third of the world's population would get infected with this virus." But asked if this number was a reasonable prediction he replied: "We don't really know."

That's right the World Health Organisation's head honcho on viral diseases came forward to strike panic into everyone and pigs, by suggesting that swine flu could mark the end for a large number of us and that in just two years a third of the world's population would suffer from the virus. He then paused briefly to fill his mouth full of cream cake, shrugged his shoulders and sounding like Scooby Doo mumbled: "mmmmidon'tknow."

What Has Happened To Jay Wynne?

As I was sitting on deck last night watching the evening news on the British Broadcasting Corporation's channel number one, I realised something quite disturbing. BBC weather broadcaster Jay Wynne's voice has completely changed along with his accent and mannerisms. For months Jay has been popping up on my TV to tell me about low fronts and depressions with a distinctive gravely, sometimes hoarse sounding voice. When I first heard it I assumed the poor fellow was suffering from some sort of throat infection but as time rolled by and Jay continued to forecast I realised this was not the case. Then last night the Wynnemeister comes on and just like a beautiful song bird eloquently chirped through his forecast with a silky, soft new voice. But not only that the man is now devoid of his slight accent and actually looks and behaves like a completely different person. I cannot have been the only one who has noticed this remarkable change. If you think I'm crazy then check out the before and after videos below and tell me then that you can't hear a difference. Are the BBC running some sort of Stepford Forecasters style project behind the scenes?

BEFORE


AFTER

This Wolverine Is Better

It's no great secret that Hugh Jackman's new Wolverine movie is a crock of shit but what is a surprise is the trailer for the game, which is ten times better than the film and it's only a minute long. You be the judge.

Best Fight Scene of 2009

Andy Samberg and Will Arnett in Slaughter Shack - watch more funny videos

Forget Star Trek, Transfomers 2 and Terminator Salvation because Slaughter Shack is going to be this summer's blockbuster. Just check out this clip and tell me that is not the best fight scene ever committed to celluloid.

Chris Chan - The Creepiest Guy On The Internet

I'm not employed by the F.B.I. but if I was employed by the F.B.I. you can be fucking sure I'd be watching this guy very closely. I'd be hiding in his garden staking out his house with a pair of night vision goggles waiting for him to reveal his torture dungeon, filled with kidnapped high school girls and lamp shades made from human skin. Maybe that's harsh but confessing shit like this online to an audience of millions really sets off the old alarm bells, that and the fact his girlfriend is a blow up doll called Ivy, which you can see in his other award winning videos. Is that Goodbye Horses I can hear?